Creativity at the library

RHIANNA is just too hard on herself :(

"David's Butt"

February 15, 2016

I have not written in my blog in a very long time due to the many changes my life has endured the past 9 months.
Let me begin by saying, I lost my life partner Orlando on Mother's Day May 10, 2016. I was not expecting this to happen, none of us were. From all accounts he passed away in the middle of the night after spending a few blissful last moments with his mother. I went to Church the following Sunday as usual, and because it was Mother's Day I went to brunch with my best friend Joann, and another dear friend Ketty. When I got home, I was met with somberness from everyone in the apartment. My daughter questioned me to see if I had been on Facebook, or if I had spoken with any other member of my family. When I told them I had not, I was asked to sit down, my first question was ok "who Died"? I was afraid I would be told my dad had died in his sleep. I knew that my mom and siblings were ok, so I wasn't worried. I looked at my eldest daughter who had tears streaming down her face and she avoided looking at me, but looked straight at Rhianna. My initial was no way, not Orlando, it just can't be him, I just saw him a few days ago, I haven't spoken to him today, it's Mother's Day, and then it dawned on me that he had not contacted me in the morning. Orlando was good at making sure I heard Happy Birthday, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, you name the holiday, and he was the first with wish me well. I began to scream, that it was a lie, and that whomever began that viscous rumor would literally be taken out. I was furious and tried calling his cell, no answer, I then went on Facebook, and my brain could not process the many people who were posting RIP on his page. I called his cousin in Florida, and she confirmed it, I then spoke with his sister in PA, and his brother who was at that point in Missouri. My world was falling apart, how was I the mother of his one and only biological child the last to know??? Why was it that I wasn't even told where he was, or how things happened??? Why didn't they let me get to him??? I was alone, just like he died alone on a cold project floor. My grief overcame my everything. I am Christian, and I had to lean heavily on God. I was shut out of the funeral, I was not asked not one thing he would have wanted. Needless to say I was just told where to go and how to dress. I was not once asked did you ever talk about his desires? If they would have asked I would have told them what he wanted. My input was irrelevant. He and I spent almost 10 years living together, and I was asked "Who gives you the right to anything of his, when he was never your husband"? talk about a slap in the face. Now true at the time he was living with his mother, and my reasons for that were because I was very much afraid that this is how he would end up. I am now looking at raising our baby girl now age 4 without her daddy.

It was a painful choice I made to move out of New York City, but it was hard living in that home, a home we shared together. The places we traveled, shopped, played, hung out in, the pity in people's faces, the transportation, everything it was too much for both Rhianna and myself, mostly me granted, but it affected the both of us. I am now a resident of Cheyenne, Wyoming, and I must say moving here has been a true Blessing from God. I asked God months before where my life was heading, and how can I do this, and God impressed upon my heart to 1. Have Faith, and 2. You have not cause you ask not, so I asked. The day I made the travel arrangements, I knew in the pit of my heart it was the right thing to do. I drove cross country with my baby girl in tow. I80 West it took us 4 days.

I found an apartment fairly easy, but just before settling in, I had to return to New York to pick up my 3 grandchildren that would be with me for a few months, so I ended up having to wait for a larger apartment to open for me in the original place I contacted for an apartment. The management company was very helpful, and I am grateful for them.

Fast Forward a few months, and it is now a New Year, New me. I found an amazing Church a few months back, and have been attending ever since, my grandson is the only one that remains, aside from my children Rhianna, and Joshua. Luke also recently came down. I love Cheyenne, it is an amazing place to raise children, people here are kind, loving and full of family values.

The one drawback on living here is that they won't allow my daughter Rhianna to enter school until 2017. They say she is too young to be in school even though she tested in NYC for being almost 3 years ahead of her peers. I found a school that would accept her, but it is private, and expensive. I really need the funding to get my baby into an institution that would put value on her education. I enrolled her in Heat Start, and a "Learning Center" but they say she is more advanced and don't have anything age appropriate to teach her.

Does anyone know much about Wyoming? or maybe funding avenues? I tried asking family and friends, but apparently according to my daughter's grandmother, I asked for this situation, and should not burden others with my issues. I should settle for public school, and be glad with whatever she gets. Rhianna is a gifted child, and her brain is in need of nurturing, not criticism.

Feeling dismayed, I really would have thought of all people she would help, but even if she was unable to financially help, encouragement would have been nice. Honestly I don't want anyone to feel the burden of having to pay Rhianna's full tuition, I just want her to have a chance, a chance neither her daddy nor I had growing up. Rhianna is 4 years old, and I have never asked for anything for Rhi, except her uncle once for a pair of sneakers, which I got for her in the end. I don't expect gifts, or money for raising her, or for her likes or dislikes. Her Birthday went past and she barely got a Happy Birthday, Christmas once again she was overlooked. Did I call to harass, complain, or make anyone feel any type of way??? No, because that is not how I am wired.

I am sorry my first post after so long was full of venting, but it's just funny how at the funeral I was filled with people saying if she ever needs anything, just ask, or that a gofundme was made without my knowledge or consent for the "funeral", but then included Rhianna, for his child and her needs. Proceeds Rhianna never had access to, nor did I inquire about because I was left out of all funeral planning. I am sorry there I go again....

I will change my platform and try to be as positive as possible, and write about the great things happening in our lives.

God Bless :)